Commonwealth Games

The Melbourne Commonwealth Games have come and gone and what fun. Whilst we may have kicked more Commonwealth arse then ever before (and that is saying something because we really have spanked the hell out of everyone pretty much since the 80's) we didn't quite set PB's in everything. I mean a lot have people have called Melbourne the best Commonwealth Games ever (which is I note, a phrase attached to every new Olympics that comes along as well), but Manchester did beat us in one important area. At Manchester 70% of the Sierra Leone team did a runner, we only lost 60% of them.

I actually attended the closing ceremony. Some classic moments were had.

I liked the crowd response to the VIP's. Muted and polite applause for Tony Blair, John Howard and Steve Bracks, but loud, enthusiastic cheers for lord Mayor John So. Apparently you can actually buy T-shirts with "John So, he's my bro" printed on them. Chuck out your vote for Pedro's, they are so last year.

Also was the poignant insertion of Casey Donovan into the entertainment lineup immediately after The Price Edward (this is not a typo) declared the Games over. It ain't over to the fat lady sings Princey.

Also not a typo is the Mayor of delhi's surname. Ms Dikshit. Say no more. The barely contained giggles and guffaws at the MCG were joyous to behold.

I also noted that the boy with the duck made a very, very fleeting appearance. It reminded me of the effect of the massively negative response to Jar Jar Binks in Star Wars Epsiode 1 the Phantom Menace. After that movie, in which people hated him so much there was actually a campaign in America (as only Americans can. Here is a country after all that actually offers a UNIVERSITY course on speaking Klingon. Yes, that is Klingon as in Star Trek. yes that is University as in Degree course.) to have him killed. I don't doubt for a second people in America actually believed Jar Jar really existed. Anyway, I couldn't help but think after the opening ceremony when people where left asking "What the duck?", his role was significantly reduced.

...and the terrific display of AFL footballers performing with ballet dancers. And I can't begin to imagine what the athletes from Bangladesh, Kenya, Barbados, and Canada made of it all. Throw in the female Oompa Loompa's (aka the skipping girls) and the athletes from these other countries were probably wondering if their drinks had been spiked.

However, for me, I loved every minute of it. The fireworks were terriffic, the singers were excellent, even the masses of people doing all sorts of colourful and exciting looking stuff out on the ground in what looked like an organised manner was highly entertaining. It was fun.

Cracker

Bring it on!

In todays Melbourne Age:

http://www.theage.com.au/news/sport/nothing-to-cheer-about/2006/03/20/1142703282464.html

A cracker of a story about the plight of the humble cheerleader in the US. Apparently there is a bit of a backlash from the Christain conservatist's against the overtly sexual nature of teenage girls that are dancing around in support of the team. These groups, for reasons I cannot even begin to fathom, think that young girls in skimpy outfits dancing provocatively is, get this, a bad thing. That it leads to some terrible behaviour such as:

In Boston, members of a high school cheerleading squad produced "a homemade lesbian porno video". I thought cheerleading porn was a genre unto itself. Right on girls, cash in on the craze.

In Minnesota, a cheerleader paid $50 to have a rival beaten up. Hey, it is a dog eat dog world.

In Brooklyn, kids at a school "pep rally" heckled, punched, kicked and then battered a cheerleader they considered "mediocre" with a garbage can. This is inexcusable. That school should never have allowed someone of mediocirty to become a cheerleader. They have a lot answer for in subjecting their students to this sort of thing.

In Pennsylvania, a mob of drunken cheerleaders, doped up with malt liquor by their coach, went on a car-trashing rampage. The coach was probably hoping for more of a Boston type response.

In Texas, teen cheerleaders were accused of sending a "shit pizza" to their local rivals. Hmmm, food for thought. I'm not touching that one

And - most famously - last year in Florida, two Carolina Panthers cheerleaders were arrested after one of them hit a woman who objected to the "Top Cats" having sex with each other in a bar toilet stall. Now there is a mental imagine! Obviously the objecting woman wouldn't do well in my adopted second home of the Netherlands.

Other classic comments:

"If a daughter of mine wanted to be a cheerleader, I would boil her alive," claims Marty Beckerman. "But not till I killed her, just until I killed her dreams.

However, and this really cracks me up, when asked if his SON wanted to be a cheerleader this was his response "I'd drag him behind my truck till he died."

Marty is probably the wrong person to ask about cheerleading though. He did author a book called "Death to all cheerleaders". I bet that is a great read. Also, Marty was fired at 16 from his job as a school journalist for asking a 13 year old cheerleader "what it felt like to be a Urine stain on the toilet seat of America". I am sensing some latent hostility. Do you think it is remotely possible that Marty is big, fat, and ugly and was humiliated when the cheerleader he asked to go to the high school prom with him laughed in his face? Marty really needs to get out more. Perhaps Boston.

American's, God Bless em.

Cracker

The Dutch Legend Continues

I am seriously thinking of moving to the Netherlands. They are the most ingenious people on earth. Several years ago a famous independent film maker was killed by a Muslim for making a movie about the treatment of woman in the religion of Islam. Subsequently a newspaper decided run a competition to publish some cartoons of Allah. The idea was to see how far self censorship had gone when it came to Islam because of the threat of violence that some of the more wacko Muslims like to dish out. As a result, there was massive violence dished out by said wacko's and many involved in the competition are now in hiding. Kind of proves the point really.

Anyway, as a result of this, and a growing concern amongst the liberal minded Dutch about the negative influence certain immigrants are having on their culture (Muslims aren't specifically mentioned), the Dutch government has recently sent a new 1 hour movie that they put together to all their consulates around the world to be given out to people wanting to move there. It shows some samples of things you will likely encounter by being a Dutch citizen. For example people enjoying some marijuana in one of Amsterdams famous cafe's, a topless woman emerging from the ocean on a public beach with other equally scantily clad people lying about, and a gay couple kissing on a park bench. Not too controversial one would have thought. Not to the liberal minded Dutch anyway.

The idea behind this is that if want to apply for Dutch citizenship, you go home and watch the video. If you can't stomach it, well then you might have some problems living in the Netherlands. That is awesome. Of course some fuckwits argued that this was not an appropriate way to welcome potential immigrants to their country because it "might be offensive to Muslims". I seriously hope someone went round to these fools houses and explained a few cold hard facts to these do-gooders. 1. EVERYTHING is offensive to Muslims, and if isn't they will twist it around until it is. and 2. The fact that it might be offensive to Muslims is the freaking point. If you don't like what you see on the movie, then just fuck off some place else.

Cracker

Stupid Television Part 1

Last week whilst driving home from work I heard an advertisment for that nights edition of A Current Affair. The top story was Princess Mary's anti-ageing secrets. What the F#*k! She recently just turned 34 so I am guessing number 1 on her list of secrets to looking young would have to be - Don't be freaking old!

If there was a need for some story filler to pad this out (and I am guessing there was), perhaps number 2 could have been - Live a stress free life by having servants take care of all the housework, cooking, and when things get tough, the baby, and reduce financial worries by living off the tax payers of Denmarks money. Needless to say, I wasn't rushing home to watch this contrived bulldust.

Speaking of ACA, also whilst driving home last week, Triple M had a segment asking callers to phone in and with their opinions of who would win a fight between Tracy Grimface, and Naomi "F*#king, F*#k Off!" Robson. Now there is some television I would rush home for!