News today: Crazy Lesbians, Primary School Sex Clubs and Britney
Today some not so random samplings from the paper. Firstly there is the case of the lesbian couple who are suing their IVF doctor because they had twins when they only wanted one child. The lesbians have a combined income of 120K per year but are after 400K for loss of happiness, freedom, lovingness in their relationship, and get this, school fees to a private school for their second daughter. Apparently they have suffered significant loss of quality of life because they are now run off their feet having to look after their two children. One of the lesbians said she had lost the power to love. Oh didums. Having two children of my own I can't help but think to myself "suck it up you selfish f#*kwits". Their situation is no different to just about every other parent in the world.
Seriously does it get any more greedy and shallow than this. I hope the judge does the two kids a favor and takes them off these two on the grounds that they are too greedy and ungrateful to deserve them. Then lets see how capable the stupid cows are of love.
In another, far more entertaining and upbeat story,a boy aged 6, has got into a spot of bother for running a sex club at his local PRIMARY school. I appreciate this is probably a very serious issue for those concerned but when I read this I thought it was freaking hilarious. Seriously, the lad shouldn't be given councselling as was the case, he should be given a meeting with Richard Branson. He is clearly an entrepreneur and based on his venture he might have a new concept for Branson's 'Virgin' brand. That said, all good businessmen need to know how to respond to their markets demands and judging by this story, the kid was 10 years ahead of his time.
In another great story out of the UK, a high school teacher told a female student he was having sex with not to scream "Yes, sir!" during their cocaine-fuelled sessions in bed. Andrew Riley, a married father-of-two, gave the A-level student cocaine before they first had sex back in in 2005. Mr Riley apparently told the girl that "sex and coke is mind-blowing" in a chatroom message. He then hilariously added: "You have to promise, in the height of passion you don't scream 'Yes, sir! Yes, sir!' because it will put me right off what I'm doing". I am just trying to imagine that conversation taking place.
And finally the best for last. the funniest story since Paris went to jail. Britney Spears. No actual specifics relating to todays news because Britney Spears's whole life is just one funny story.
Lets recap though. Age 17 sold millions of albums dressed in schoolgirl outfit.
Looked good in red jumpsuit singing "Oops I did it again", inadvertantly providing a lifetime of cheesy headlines for the media everywhere.
In 2001 I prophetically predicted to my wife that Britney would "Pork Up".
In 2002 dumped by Justin Trousersnake.
In 2003 snogged Madonna. For my money - her career highlight.
In 2004 she married some bloke for 55 hours
In 2004 married white trash dancer and worlds worst rapper K-Fed who for many years was seen as the loser of the relationship. In hindsite, it appears she is actually the Toxic one afterall (this despite K-Fed leaving a woman who was 8 months pregnant with is child to get on board with Brtiney. Who would have thought!)
Has baby number one in 2005. Obviously she is no longer that innocent.
Oops does it again, has baby one more time in 2006. (sorry couldn't resist).
2007 Dumps deadweight K-Fed. Or maybe it is the other way around.After having two children, 2007 Attacks media with Umbrella
2007 Shaves head
2007 According to MULTIPLE knickerless paparazzi shots, shaves other bodily parts too!
20007 Launches "career comeback" with awful MTV award appearance where she comes off stage in tears crying "I looked like a big fat pig". Yes folks I called it. Britney porked up!
Another great day to be alive I think.
Until next time - Cracker
Seriously does it get any more greedy and shallow than this. I hope the judge does the two kids a favor and takes them off these two on the grounds that they are too greedy and ungrateful to deserve them. Then lets see how capable the stupid cows are of love.
In another, far more entertaining and upbeat story,a boy aged 6, has got into a spot of bother for running a sex club at his local PRIMARY school. I appreciate this is probably a very serious issue for those concerned but when I read this I thought it was freaking hilarious. Seriously, the lad shouldn't be given councselling as was the case, he should be given a meeting with Richard Branson. He is clearly an entrepreneur and based on his venture he might have a new concept for Branson's 'Virgin' brand. That said, all good businessmen need to know how to respond to their markets demands and judging by this story, the kid was 10 years ahead of his time.
In another great story out of the UK, a high school teacher told a female student he was having sex with not to scream "Yes, sir!" during their cocaine-fuelled sessions in bed. Andrew Riley, a married father-of-two, gave the A-level student cocaine before they first had sex back in in 2005. Mr Riley apparently told the girl that "sex and coke is mind-blowing" in a chatroom message. He then hilariously added: "You have to promise, in the height of passion you don't scream 'Yes, sir! Yes, sir!' because it will put me right off what I'm doing". I am just trying to imagine that conversation taking place.
And finally the best for last. the funniest story since Paris went to jail. Britney Spears. No actual specifics relating to todays news because Britney Spears's whole life is just one funny story.
Lets recap though. Age 17 sold millions of albums dressed in schoolgirl outfit.
Looked good in red jumpsuit singing "Oops I did it again", inadvertantly providing a lifetime of cheesy headlines for the media everywhere.
In 2001 I prophetically predicted to my wife that Britney would "Pork Up".
In 2002 dumped by Justin Trousersnake.
In 2003 snogged Madonna. For my money - her career highlight.
In 2004 she married some bloke for 55 hours
In 2004 married white trash dancer and worlds worst rapper K-Fed who for many years was seen as the loser of the relationship. In hindsite, it appears she is actually the Toxic one afterall (this despite K-Fed leaving a woman who was 8 months pregnant with is child to get on board with Brtiney. Who would have thought!)
Has baby number one in 2005. Obviously she is no longer that innocent.
Oops does it again, has baby one more time in 2006. (sorry couldn't resist).
2007 Dumps deadweight K-Fed. Or maybe it is the other way around.After having two children, 2007 Attacks media with Umbrella
2007 Shaves head
2007 According to MULTIPLE knickerless paparazzi shots, shaves other bodily parts too!
20007 Launches "career comeback" with awful MTV award appearance where she comes off stage in tears crying "I looked like a big fat pig". Yes folks I called it. Britney porked up!
Another great day to be alive I think.
Until next time - Cracker
posted by Unknown at 11:45 PM
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