From the Dilbert Blog

This following blog entry isn't mine. I have copied it from the Dilbert Blog which is very funny. The link is:

http://dilbertblog.typepad.com/

Anyway, it is only a short one and it really appeals to my warped sense of the world so I thought I would share it with you.

Enjoy

Cracker

Deja Food
In the news today, the FDA is poised to approve food from cloned animals. Apparently eating clones makes some people uncomfortable. Their thinking goes like this:
“I sure enjoy eating Bob the cow, but I wouldn’t feel comfortable eating Bob the other cow.”
Eating clones got me thinking about the intellectual property of human supermodel DNA. At some point it seems inevitable that billionaires will start cloning supermodels so they can grow their own girlfriends. Someday it will surely be legal in some country.

If you were a supermodel who had snorted away all of your money and you were now too old to model, and some billionaire offered you a hundred million dollars for your DNA, would you sell it? Assume you know in advance that the billionaire is a disgusting pig who will be raising your clone to be a brainwashed sex slave.

Assume also that your clone won’t be forced to do anything against her will. She will simply be raised to believe the billionaire is a godlike creature and the rest will happen naturally. No laws will be broken. And she will live like a princess except for the part about being a clone whore to an old, rich fat guy. In other words, the quality of her life will be in the top 10% of the planet if you consider the wretchedness the average human’s life around the world.
Would you sell your DNA for $100,000,000?

When Retailers Don't Understand

I was in the petrol station today. Not one of your little ones, I am talking about one of these big petrol stations that more resembles a small super market. Whilst wandering around inside I noticed that they were selling DVD’s. There is nothing too unusual about this in these types of stores these days. What was odd however was that one of the DVD’s for sale was Disk 3 of season 2 of the television series ‘24’. I looked around the DVD section to see if the rest of the series was available but apparently it wasn’t.

Now I am no retail marketing genius but what do you think the chances are that some shopper is going to be driving up to the petrol station, filling up, going into the store and seeing disk 3 of series 2 of the television show ‘24’, and saying – “Wow, I have been looking for disk 3 of season 2 for ages! What luck!”? How about slim to fucking none.

Also n the store was Star Wars Episode 3, Top Gun, Superman Returns. All of these titles I can understand. But then random disk 3, season 2 of 24 pops up and I have to ask – What the Fuck is going on at Shell HQ?

Anyway, Merry Christmas all. If you do happen to be looking for disk 3 of season 2 let me know and I will tell you where it is.

Cheers

Cracker

Hippie: Short for Hypocrite

Hippies are an interesting conundrum in today’s society. Lots of Hippies I have met over the years have been pleasant, normal human beings. Except when it comes to ‘Nature’. At this point, it would seem that their ability to think logically has been removed.

I say this because of several funny things I have read about in the last week. Firstly, in drought stricken Victoria, the second worst offending suburb for % increases in water use, was Hippie central - Fitzroy. Fitzroy East, has the HIGHEST percentage of Green (as in the political party) voters of any electorate in the country. My logic may be flawed here in that I am by association implying Green voters are Hippies, but, lets face it, given the Green’s policies are basically centred around the environment as a precedence over all other factors, it isn’t too much of a stretch.

So despite all the calls for reduced water consumption by the state government, and all the (very important) hoo hah at the last election about what a vital issue water was, it was the Hypocritical Hippies who are amongst the worst offenders at not reducing consumption. On the plus side for the Hippies, it does dispel the myth that they are all smelly. I mean Fitzroy is hardly laden with big back yards that need watering so I am assuming they were just taking longer, or more, showers.

The other really funny thing I read this week, and this one appeals to me on so many levels, is The Big Switch Off. This is where Hippies are encouraging people to shut off all electrical items, mobile phones, etc, not use cars (public transport is ok), and not set foot in any building that is using electricity (unless you are buying ice for your ice box to keep your food from going to off. Never mind that the ice is kept cold by electrical driven items, or that the ice is in fact formed by electrical driven items). They are also encouraging people to sign up their work places to the cause. Possibly because that would then mean no work could be done – a concept no doubt close to any Hippie heart.

Anyway, the idea is that it will allow people to see what it is like to not be so dependant on fossil fuels for energy, and allow a deeper level of thought about the effects of so called man made global warming, and of course, to minimise the “global warming footprint” they leave for the weekend. This is all great of course, except that there is still no actual definitive scientific proof that it is man made gasses from our industrial world that is causing global warming, nor that global warming is even actually happening (average global temperatures over the last five years have actually decreased).

Of course, being a global warming sceptic puts me in a minority, but haven't you all heard we once had an ice age, now it is much warmer. AND IT WAS MUCH F*#KING WARMER WELL BEFORE WE ENTERED THE INDUSTRIAL AGE AND STARTED SPEWING OUR SO CALLED GREENHOUSE GASSES EVERYWHERE. The Earth just got warmer on its own you dumb bastards. Who is to say it isn’t happening again.

Anyway, back to the big switch off. This weekend the weather is forecast at 31 and 37 degrees (no doubt offering proof to the global warming conspiracy theorist hippies that global warming is happening – never mind it is in fact SUMMER, which, in case you all forgot, is generally hot). So to all those Hippies who are enjoying the Big Switch Off, have fun suckers. You might not leave a big global warming footprint, but I am betting you will leave a big bloody global warming sweat stain on the couch. No cold drinks for you, no air con, no fans, nothing. Just you and your hemp made clothes and lots of suffering. You can’t even go to the local pool to cool off because they will be using electricity. Ha ha. Of course, knowing the Hypocritical Hippies, they will just have long cold showers to cool down.

DIE HIPPIES DIE! Er, sorry, Freudian Slip, I meant SUFFER HIPPIES, SUFFER! To every one else, have a great weekend. Enjoy the weather. Try not to use up too much water.

Cracker