Another World Entirely

I recently spent a week on the Gold Coast in Queensland. In this paradise of commercialised tourism it is fair to say my ‘What The F*#k?’ radar was going off its head. Don’t get me wrong, I had a great time, but there sure is some truly ridiculous stuff going on up there.

Admittedly going to such a place as the gold Coast during school holidays probably hasn’t helped my view of the place (a somewhat unfortunate booking oversight by my wife. Especially given we don’t have school aged children). This obviously increased the lines at the many theme parks significantly. Ah yes, the theme parks. Let me begin.

First up, Dreamworld. First stop Wiggle world. Lots of fun and games to be had there! My son and I went on the Big Red Car through the Wiggle House. When the ride finished we were herded through the Wiggle shop. I can’t quite be sure but I think the pre-tense of this herding was so that your children would be overcome with the “I want” disease at the sight of all that Wiggles stuff and would nag you mercilessly, or worse, have a tantrum, until you bought something. Or maybe it was to buy the photo they took of you on the Big Red Car.

This basically set the tone for Dreamworld. At the end of the day my wife asked me where the exit was. I jokingly (read: cynically) suggested it would be through the shop selling lots of Dreamworld stuff. Sadly, this turned out to be true. In fact, this was the case at every theme park we visited. To get out – you must go through the Shop! Dear Lord.

Another great attraction was Seaworld. I actually really like Seaworld by the way. I did think it was a bit much though that whilst watching the trained dolphins perform tricks in the specially designed swimming pool they started talking about the importance of being in harmony with and maintaining a natural habitat for the marine life. Right!

Exactly how is training dolphins to perform tricks in a specially designed pool part of maintaining harmony with the ocean? And as for natural habitat, what the fuck is Seaworld, on the lovely, warm and sunny Gold Coast, doing with freaking polar bears. I love the polar bears, but before you start preaching your stupid fucking hippy greeny bullshit to me please explain why, other than to make money off tourists, are you harbouring polar bears in Queensland?

Of course, these theme parks were just footnotes for me. There were also some truly fantastic experiences that were just pure extreme fun. For example, I did have the pleasure of taking both my wife and my sister-in-law up the black hole. There were plenty of squeals of both terror and delight from the girls, but there were also plenty of smiles all round when it was all over.

The black hole of course is a waterslide that is fully enclosed in a black tube so you can’t see where the corners are. Waterslides, I love em. I spent 3 days at the waterslides and I am still sore from charging around like a maniac trying to get as many slides in as possible.

Anyway, a good time was had by all and if you can handle having your photo taken every time you do anything (just to preserve that magic memory of um, whatever they can take a photo of you doing), and don’t mind being forced wait (and wait and wait and wait) in lines to attend cheesy rides, then by all means get amongst it. It rocks!

Cheers

Cracker

Keith Richards snorts Dad

Does it get any more Rock n Roll than this freaking hilarious article that appeared today. Keith Richards who is the lead guitarist of the Rolling Stones, and who has basically led a very drug addled life, recently admitted that he snorted his dads ashes mixed in with some cocaine. I am sure that it seemed like a good idea at the time.

Keith was quoted as saying "He was cremated and I couldn't resist grinding him up with a little bit of blow. My dad wouldn't have cared ... It went down pretty well, and I'm still alive."

And I thought I was totally fucked in the head.

And how about this mind boggler from todays Age. Five fifth-graders in the US state of Louisiana have been arrested today after an investigation into allegations that students had sex in an unsupervised classroom, with other classmates present.

"It's not clear how long they were left alone but speculation is that it was about 15 minutes," "When no teacher showed up, the four began to have sex in the classroom with the other elementary students in the classroom with them."

Four students - two 11-year-old girls, a 12-year-old boy and a 13-year-old boy - were arrested on charges of obscenity, a felony. An 11-year-old boy who was the alleged lookout was charged with being an accessory after the fact.

I guess the lookout drew the short straw.

And just to prove I am not the only wierdo who finds this news story interesting it was Number 1 on the most viewed articles list. Just to be clear I don't find kiddy porn interesting, just the concept that there are kids in grade 5, who when left alone for ONLY 15 MINUTES thought to themselves, well i am bored with this - wanna fuck?

I don't think I even knew what sex was in the fifth grade. Then again, my wife would probably argue I still don't (the fact I have several children may be a pretty strong rebuttal though).

My blog is called Crazy Planet Earth. Clearly if these examples are anything to go by I aren't going to run out of fascinating stories from around the globe any time soon.

Cheers

Cracker