Judgement Day

There is a large billboard near where I live that advertises the Boardroom. The Boardroom is a well known brothel and escort service. According this billboard, the Boardroom is Australia’s most awarded brothel. What I want to know is who is judging these awards?

When I was a kid growing up I thought it would be great to be a Playboy photographer. However, to be the judge of Australia’s best brothel, would in my admittedly very dodgy brain, be just that much better. Of course this is based on the assumption that you don’t mind sleeping with hookers, which is based on the assumption that any judgement of the best brothels must entail sampling the product. I mean Wheels magazine doesn’t hand out its Car of the Year award without test driving the vehicles first. It wouldn’t make any sense.

Perhaps they have a mystery shopper program. Imagine that assignment at Mystery Shopper HQ – “Jones today you’ve got the furniture section at Myer, Watson, you are mystery shopping a series of McDonalds stores in the CBD, and Jenkins, you are to mystery shop one of the girls at the Boardroom brothel. Woo hoo!"

Imagine the report back

Did she greet me with “Welcome to the Boardroom, my name is Lucky, how may I be of service?” – excellent 5 out of 5
Did she comment positively on the size of my penis? – excellent 5 out of 5
Was her feedback during the interaction both encouraging and vocal? – Pass. Her faked orgasm was just too fake. Work to be done. 2 out of 5
Afterwards did she behave in a manner that suggested I was amazing? – Pass. She failed to commend me verbally for my performance, but did appear to be breathless. 2 out of 5

Grand total 14/20.

I would love to here from anyone who knows how they hand out these awards. If you know please leave a comment.

On a side note, it has occurred to me that my recent posts have tended to have a theme. Looking back I started this blog with such noble intentions. What happened? Well you can only bury your true self behind seriousness for so long before your true colours shine through. I will try and get my posts out of the gutter soon. However, until then, suck it up fuzz balls.

Oh yeah, for the record, even though I am no longer a kid and growing up (physically at least, mentally I admit, I am stuck at about 16), I still think being a photographer for Playboy would be great.

Cracker

No Slaves Please, were Australian

Well the dream is officially over for me. Well, maybe not over, but certainly illegal, so therefore, um, over. Today in Melbourne, a Miss Wei Tang was jailed for 10 years for possession of 10 sex slaves. Hugh Hefner would roll in his grave if he was dead (He's not by the way). He's had sex slaves for years, he just prefers to call them "Bunnies".

I was hoping to call my sex slaves "Crackettes". I thought it had a nice ring to it (no pun intended). I guess I will have to find something else to devote my energies too.

I bet this isn't illegal in the Netherlands.

Cracker